Wilde Mail

Subject: Other Subjects and Chocolate

Dear Oscar,

We still are on the subject of tea. It was the underlying subject of our correspondence. As you can see, for the sake of being tolerable I have changed it.

Will you come by this Sunday then and I shall serve hot chocolate and scones, if you like. We shall talk more about tragedies then? I sure prefer to converse with you in person. It will be easier to hear your sarcasm and witness your wit than to discern it through email. This emailing thing is dull.

I look forward to your presence in my lounge this Sunday at 3pm. Please find a way to ring that doorbell would you? I would like to know when you have arrived. I am still unaccustomed to guests that arrive noiselessly.


From: Oscar Wilde <owilde@stillaroundheresomewhere.univ>
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Tea?
Date: September 17, 2012 3:05:12 PM GMT+08:00
To: Raina Ng <r.ng@email.com>

Dear girl,

You can never be overdressed or overeducated, did I not use to say?

Nobody calls me Fingal, how rude! So is calling me ancient.

This email thing does not allow anything to be discussed in depth. There is so much I have to respond to.

What do you mean by “do chocolate”?

No, I was not ignoring you, but with the email, it is easy to forget about subject matters. You jump from matter to matter so quickly. Must be a culture cultivated by emailing!

Ah yes, the room in the London hotel. It is not quite in the same fashion as it was in 1895 anymore is it? People like tragedies. Conversations thrive on tragedies. Which is why I am so talked about. My life was a tragedy, it was art.

I think you should change the subject on the email since we are no longer on the subject of tea. I also am getting quite intolerant about the Re:Re:Re’s. They make for bad style. What is worse than words that do not mean a thing are ugly words that do not mean a thing.

From: Raina Ng <r.ng@email.com>
Subject:  Re:Re:Tea?
Date:  September 17, 2012 3:05:12 PM GMT+07:30
To:Oscar Wilde <owilde@stillaroundheresomewhere.univ>

Dear Oscar,

I am so glad you got my email!

For an ancient person you have appalling email manners. But I never quite learnt email etiquette. No one teaches you these things. I suppose I can stop calling you Dear Oscar, but I feel it dishonourable to be calling you Oscar and too cold to be calling you Mr.Wilde. How about Fingal?

It is true what you said about emails making for horrid handwriting. I am not sure if people would actually remember how to write with a pen in the next few years.

You met Steve Jobs? Yes he was underdressed. He might think you to be overdressed.

You did not say a thing about the picture, shall I assume you were just ignoring me?

Chocolate, I can do chocolate.


From: Oscar Wilde <owilde@stillaroundheresomewhere.univ>
Subject:  Re:Tea?
Date:  September 17, 2012 3:05:12 PM GMT+07:10
To:Raina Ng <r.ng@email.com>

Ah Raina dear girl. Yes I have found my way around the email. I was wandering around and about to just drop in on you, but you were amidst some traffic and I would not be responsible for accidents. This email thing is great for quick correspondence but it is the making of horrid handwriting and impatience.

I learnt about the email from a funny looking man while wandering. He was quite excited about the fact that we can get emails. He was American. I could tell by the way he spoke. But dear me he had on some ghastly clothes, and even ghastlier shoes. Overly underdressed!

Oh the decline of style is the decline of humanity!

I would not even be caught wearing them as undergarments. Strange name, Jobs. He was quite irritated at the fact that I knew him not. In fact he deemed me ignorant. But his arrogance was a sign, I felt of a sort of genius. He took me to one of those sleek shops selling what I thought was fruit. I did not know that Apples have evolved into cold inedible things. You should tell me these things so I do not look foolish before the younger ones.

About tea, I can drop in on you anytime. I might have developed a taste for coffee but it is a bitter thing. I rather have a hot bowl of chocolate. A mexican lady served it to me once and I thought it to be just delightful.

From: Raina Ng <r.ng@email.com>
Subject:  Tea?
Date:  September 17, 2012 3:05:12 PM GMT+07:00
To: Oscar Wilde <owilde@stillaroundheresomewhere.univ>

Dear Oscar,

I am looking for a way I could invite you to tea again. Screaming and shouting my invitation like the way I did that time has distressed some neighbours. The lady next door has a bad case of nerves so I am hoping you have figured out the email.

I just read something from The Daily Mail. Apparently the picture below was the room you were in when you were arrested back in 1895.

I am sure it did not look like this back then. They really have found a way to capitalise on you! Oh dear! I am so sorry if I have brought you back to a time that was unpleasant. I bet you are reminded of it always so I will not ask you to tell me how it did look then.

Back to the invitation. Would you like to come for tea again on Sunday afternoon? I promise to find some scones or tea-cakes this time. Not sure how you feel about coffee instead.

I sure hope you do get this email.


(this post was done in response to the WordPress Daily Post Challenge: Mail it in)